5 Eminem songs that wouldn’t even be released in 2017

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As today is the birth date of one Marshall Bruce Mathers III (aka Slim Shady aka Eminem) I have been listening to Eminem continuously all day. Not only to honor the legend but mainly to remind myself of the raw talent that one of the best rappers to ever lived possessed and developed over his extensive career. While enjoying his early albums, one simply does not gloss over the extensive amount of vulgarities and highly offensive statements and hearing these got me to thinking… if Eminem were to be an up and coming artist in today’s world he would probably exist solely on Youtube. The innuendos and connotations that inhabit his lyrics would be met with brutally harsh negativity by the PC culture that exists in today’s world and it really just opens up a bigger conversation as to the evolution of our culture over the last 20 years.  From the rise of  HowardStern to The Man Show, the 90s were a different time that produced a lot of things that just wouldn’t be permissible today. Perhaps that’s a reason why the 90s are looked at so fondly and are a focal point of so many with the 90s bar crawls… but thats a blog for another day.

5 Eminem songs that wouldn’t be released in today’s music scene:

Kim

When thinking up this list, there was obviously no other song that could top the spot over Kim. From the first few bars of him talking sweetly to his daughter to then turning his attention to his ex-wife Kim to absolutely eviscerate her, physically and emotionally.

“How could you let him sleep in our bed?! Look it, Kim!
Look at your husband now! (No!) I said look at him!
He ain’t so hot now, is he, little punk?!
(Why are you doing this?!) Shut the fuck up! (You’re drunk!
You’re never gonna get away with this!) You think I give a fuck?”

From killing her new husband to killing their new son, he spends the song degrading and screaming at her as he is on his way to kill her. Eminem lived in a different time and this song shows it.

Low, Down Dirty

The title says it all. Just a low down & dirty song with your daily dose of murder and necrophilia. Slitin bitches throats and doing whip-its with grandpa, you know the casual shit.

“Jumped out, killed the bitch and did her
Used to let the babysitter suck my dick when I was littler
Smoke a blunt while I’m titty fucking Bette Midler”

Criminal

Probably the most homophobic song ever recorded. With the explosion of gay pride in the past decade through the US I’m sure this song would drop and be condemned to the deepest parts of the internet.

“My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That’ll stab you in the head, whether you’re a fag or lez
Or a homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer’s yes
Homophobic? Nah, you’re just heterophobic
Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulgin’
That’s my motherfuckin’ balls, you’d better let go of ’em
They belong in my scrotum, you’ll never get hold of ’em!”

Honorable Mention

’97 Bonnie & Clyde

This was a tough one but it had to make the honorable mentions. As the follow up to “Kim” it’s a story of him taking his daughter to dispose of her dead mom’s body laying in the trunk. He’s speaking in a nice little voice to his daughter the whole time which is a slight change up of the tone he takes with Kim in the prequel to this. The fucked up concept that flowed through Em’s head to create this duo of songs is fascinating in itself and a talent all of its own.

“My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That’ll stab you in the head, whether you’re a fag or lez
Or a homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer’s yes
Homophobic? Nah, you’re just heterophobic
Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulgin’
That’s my motherfuckin’ balls, you’d better let go of ’em
They belong in my scrotum, you’ll never get hold of ’em!”

Crazy in Love

Not an overtly terrible song but it still boils down to him having a fucked up relationship with his girl and going from wanting to kill her and beating the shit out of her to fucking her brains out.

“One minute I wanna slit your throat, the next I wanna sex
You make me crazy, the way we act
Like two maniacs in the sack
We fuck like two jackrabbits”

“Sometimes they say love is blind
Maybe that’s why the first time
I dotted your eye you ain’t see the sign
Or maybe you did, maybe you like being shoved
Maybe ’cause we’re crazy in love”

Happy Birthday Legend

Image result for eminem happy birthday

 

 

 

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